A few years ago, I never thought I’d ever be in a relationship. I guess I thought it was just impossible to find someone “like me”. I know there are a lot of us out there despite being in the minority of the population but hey, I was young and closeted so I never really “saw the light”.
Being what I am, I have my own distinct tastes. I’m not into flamboyant men; No judgement here, they’re just not my type. So that’s kind of one of the problems. I can never really tell if someone would be in to me since at that age, they would most probably be in the closet like me. Those that aren’t are– you guessed it– usually flamboyant and/or “queens” as people would call them. Cross-dressers and what not. Again, I’m not against them or anything. I’m just not in to them.
But despite being inexperienced back then, I was sensitive (I guess it comes with the genes) and thoughtful and a good listener. I managed to give relationship advice to my straight friends whenever they needed it. I was great with girls too! (go figure. But no, I didn’t have girlfriends) Being that way made me think that I would make a great boyfriend and that I was ready to handle a serious relationship. That I was mature enough and would be able to make good decisions despite the common belief that it’s almost impossible to juggle school, family, friends and romance. But I still believed that I was a special exception to this rule.
Boy, was I wrong. About what? Well, to put it bluntly, I was wrong about everything. Turns out, there were quite a few in our school that were like me, some better hidden than others. And I finally got in my first ever serious relationship, which by then, I already deemed impossible. At first it was great and I was still doing great with my studies. But little did I know that everything would become such a mess. I don’t want to go into any details but let’s just say that by the end of the relationship, things were kind of messy. It wasn’t a disaster per se, I guess I was just young and immature. I still am but at least I have some experience in my pocket now. I know some of the dos and don’ts.
During my relationship I really did have a hard time concentrating on other things. My grades suffered a bit, my extra curricular activities, my relationship with friends and… well, my relationship with my family was already in shambles after coming out so that’s not really an issue. It was really hard to balance everything. By graduation I still managed to get a Latin Honor (yes I’m bragging a bit now :]) but my average wasn’t as high as I wanted it to be. Summa Cum Laude was just a few points away too… (Still bragging yes)
So what am I trying to say with this long blog? I don’t know. I’m just writing out my thoughts. Were you expecting a moral t the story? Well, first, in hindsight, you shouldn’t rush into relationships. And don’t lose contact with your friends. They’re the ones that will be picking you up after the mess.
And don’t eat too much. Being in a relationship can really get you fat without you noticing. That fucks you up bad.