Once you learn the truth,

Would it be a sin to close your eyes?

I’m really finding it hard to care.

I’m really, honestly, sincerely, sorry.

This is bad. I almost can’t take it anymore. I had half a mind to jump out of irritation 🤦‍♂️.

“Lalasunin ko nalang sarili ko” -Mom

Context: nasestress sya pag d nya magawa gusto nya because of old age.

Sigh… Toxicity at its finest. And it’s rubbing off on me. Sana mauna nalang ako.

Persistence

Darkness will forever persist. Only kept at bay by the existence of light, but never departing. In the end, everything returns to it.

Hence, “Life in summary, is the act of letting go.”

Had a dream last night.. “something” visited me claiming to be mom at first, then dad. Woke up at 230am, struggling to move. Then during breakfast, mom said she dreamt about dad.

Weird.

Happy Mother’s day.

When you have a mom that constantly reminds you of her inevitable death, even claiming that it will happen soon given her age and ailments, you learn to become numb and neutral to many emotions. It gets tiring and toxic when it happens too often– almost on a daily basis.

Will I have another parent missing on my graduation day again?

That’s not really the right way to motivate someone to graduate though…

Nights like these fear overwhelms me. The thought of death returns. I wonder about its inevitability. I wonder about what happens when it comes. I wonder about how it will come to me…

The thought infapacitates me.

Why does it have to be me who is conscious right now. Why am I conscious in this body? And what happens after..?

I shot up in bed, asking these questions, with fear eating me up. Why… Why…

I can’t think properly…

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