Days just keep passing by.

Yet here I am, standing perfectly still.

I don’t feel like moving…

Not anytime soon.


“I think love… Requires just two persons to understand each other. That’s enough” -Arthit

“I think love has no gender, has no place and time. When it does happen, I want everyone to understand it. Gender is something that define what you see from the outside. If you close your eyes and open your heart a bit, you will see that love is indeed beautiful. So… What more do we want?” -Kong


I feel so fucking empty all the time.

What the fuck can I do about this?

A sense of purpose? All I have is the want to work hard so my sister can come home and be with her family. So my mom can stop worrying about the future.

But fuckin hell I can’t even motivate myself to do shit.

I know I have potential. And it’s pissing me off because I’m not doing anything about it. I feel so lost and empty. What the fuck do I do with my life.

I feel so useless. My thoughts are scattered. Can anything fix this? This quarantine is taking its toll on my mental health.

Some days I just want a different life. Or perhaps a do-over. Maybe I can do things right. Be better. Whatever the fuck I did wrong.

I hate reality. But there’s only one way out. But I can’t take it. They need me…



SOTUS The Series, a Thai Boy’s Love themed show in a college life setting. It’s been a while since I allowed myself to watch something romantic, even if it’s LGBTQ themed. I guess I forgot why I don’t usually watch these things. But as I binged each episode, taking the plot to heart, the emotions that swelled inside me reminded me of the risk that comes with these shows.

Yes of course, the romantic excitement is one of the best feelings these shows can give; maybe even one the best feeling there is that a human can feel. It’s a huge factor as to why people love the idea of love. Because of “kilig”. This is why shows like these are geared towards these emotions. Pulling at the heartstrings of the viewers to make a profit (which is perfectly fine). Even more so for the LGBTQ community because nowadays, in a world where hopeless romantics dream of a perfect love story, only shows are able to fill the hole that reality creates.

A well written plot can make you feel a mix of emotions from frustration, excitement, happiness, sadness, and more, as the actors do their best to allow the audience to empathize. But at the end of the day, there is always that lingering truth that these things remain to be what they are– fiction. Which is why I believe an amazing show will always be a double edged sword. Viewers will always be left with the feeling of wanting more. Be it wantinf more episodes, more info about the show, more details about the actors… or more from reality. Bars are set high as expectations can arise from indulging in these romantic flicks. And I am no exception from this.

As someone that struggles with extreme turbulent emotions, I must always remember to keep my feet on the ground when watching these shows. Sure, lessons may be learned, not to mention the euphoria that comes with each romantic scene is a rare but treasured feeling, but an episode can only run for so long before the end credit greets your screen as you hurry on to click the next one.

But hey, it’s been years since I last felt like this. Be it for a show, or in reality. I’ll treasure it for a while longer even if I know how empty it can make most viewers feel when fiction ends.

This too shall pass. But it really is a great show. It’ll be hard to top this one for sure.

SOTUS: Seniority, Order, Tradition, Unity, and Spirit.

the Story Of True love between US.

This is eating me up.

I wonder how much of my sanity will be left when this is all over.

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