History is bound to repeat itself

I graduated from college with honors (class valedictorian, Magna Cum Laude) on 2014. But sadly, my dad wasn’t able to attend my graduation. He was at the hospital fighting a hard battle against cancer. But my sister and my mom still went to my graduation nevertheless. Right after the ceremony, we all rushed to the hospital so we could celebrate with my dad. I even brought my toga and medal with me so it would feel like the continuation of my graduation ceremony.

A year later, I decided to go for my master’s degree. However, I ran into some obstacles looking for and applying at the schools I wanted. But after a while, I managed to get in my dream school, Ateneo. Sadly, since I took too long to actually get in and start my masters, a month before my classes started, my dad passed away. He fought a good fight though, thanks to my mom and the support of other family members. Three years is no joke with stage 4 cancer.

Now it’s like history is repeating itself again. My masters program should only take one and a half years for a full time student. Three for those who are working. Being a part time teacher and a full time lazy bum, I won’t be able to finish until 2021. Five years it’ll take me.

And the saddest part of it is hearing my mom say “I’m sorry. I might not make it to your graduation”.

I’m tired of living this way…

I’m tired of living.

Staying alive

I don’t know how to keep on living

But sadly, it’s the only thing I can keep on doing

But I don’t know if you can call this living

Fear and guilt keeps me here. But for how long?

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