My 2 Cents– My belief

“The God I believe in is not bound by time, space, or matter.”

This aligns perfectly with my conception where God is too great and amazing to be understood by the human brain. We often hear God described by the word “Perfect”. But that’s the thing. When we say perfect, we don’t say anything else. It is just what it is. Perfect. Not a perfect human. Not a perfect shape. Neither is it a perfect look. It simply is perfect. Everything at the same time. The concept of perfect itself is too complex and out of reach for the understanding of the human brain. You may say that it’s the easy way out of an argument but it’s still an undeniable fact. Some things simply cannot be explained.

And when we die… Time ceases to affect us. Our conscience ceases to control our physical bodies (matter). And as such, we cease to consume space. We cease to be affected by the three trinities.

Death still scares me. But that doesn’t mean I don’t believe. I’m not arrogant enough to admit that I understand the concept. In fact I believe I never will. I’m just honest enough to admit that I am still human. And I’m scared.

Being suicidal

Being suicidal doesn’t mean that one day you wake up and you just want to end it. It’s not something that is planned as well. It’s not people calling for attention although I will straightforwardly admit that I need the attention. But it’s not just that. It’s an accumulation of years of torment. Anxiety and depression that never seem to disappear. It simply hides away from plain sight on good days. But it lingers. Like a thought that’s balancing between the lines of truth and fallacy. The thought of whether I’m better off being dead. Because life… Life is the most wonderful thing we experience… But also the most painful.

But living in this state makes me stronger. smarter. sensitive. Because each day is a battle. And right now, I’m still fighting.

I’m alive.

Wireless Connections

A lot of people say that we should stop paying too much attention to our mobile devices. Get off the internet, get off the phone, stop playing games, etc. They say our generation is too attached to technology. And for me, it’s incredibly true. I always check for my cellphone if I have it with me. But you see, in my case, I’m not the type to stay on my phone when I’m around people. I only get overly attached when I’m alone.

Because for me, it’s my way of staying connected. I’m okay with being alone. But being lonely is different. And in my case, I can’t afford to be alone with my thoughts too much at the moment.

Quickie #11

Disregarded by the ones you thought cared about you most.

The most painful kind of betrayal:

Betrayal through love–

unintended but excruciating

Quickie #10

With all the pain but without the tears.

Praying for the sweet embrace of sleep;

a swift but short escape

into the abyss birthed from slumber.

A continuous battle, seemingly never-ending.

Is this my retribution?

Falling for people who won’t like me back..?

Punishment? Since I’ve also had people fall for me only to have their feelings unrequited by me.

But at the same time, it only seems fitting. Because it scares me… getting attached to someone. The idea that a person has the power to make me happy means that I am vulnerable. My happiness is in the hands of another. And just as fast, that can be taken away from me leaving me in a state worse than I was previously. More shattered and fragile. Until I can no longer be fixed.

Yes. That scares me.

Somdays I just want to disappear for a while…

Go away somewhere without letting anyone know.

Maybe find myself.

If I disappear…

Will I be missed..?

Will the people I miss miss me the way I would miss them..?

I’m afraid of getting attached again.

The happiness I get makes me so much more vulnerable than I already am.

At any moment they can choose to take that happiness away…

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