Panic.
Woke up with so much panic.
I like making my friends laugh. It makes me happy. I just hope they miss me too sometimes when I stop
No one really told me Santa Claus wasn’t real.
I don’t know how and I don’t know when but one day I just stopped believing in Santa. I stopped caring.
Weird.
I keep finding myself eager to make connections– Bonds with people I barely even know.
Yep. Just yesterday I felt the need to befriend this nice shoppee seller who updated their stocks just so I can make a purchase.
I think something’s wrong for me. Although yes I do need attention.
Tried to go outside today.
Just literally outside the house. Played with the neighbor’s dogs for a bit.
Got anxious after a few minutes and immediately wanted to lie down. My heart was beating fast and I felt tired immediately.
What the fuck.
It’s been a while since this happened to me but I’m having consecutive bad dreams.
Not the types that scare you shitless. But the ones that make you feel really horrible afterwards.
Then I wake up sweaty and uncomfortable with a mild headache despite the AC being turned on.
I hate this.
I’m still far from being the best, sensitive, amazing friend. I still make mistakes.
But I’ll keep trying to be a better friend.
So that one day when I die, people cry.
They better fucking ugly cry.
Except for some select few. You can make jokes and laugh at my funeral. Or cry trying.
#goals
Dear Lord..
I’m so afrais of the unknown
My writing is trash. Dafuq.
I wonder how my HS best friend is doing. It’s been years since we last saw each other. We don’t even chat anymore. He doesn’t really go online much.
Hope you’re doin okay JD.
Trees
It stood tall, basking in the sunlight. Admired by many, envied by some. Nurtured by those around it, it grew big and strong. Proud even. And it produced as much as it could, to nourish and give back to those around it. But as time went on, it became harder to sustain itself.
What was once perceived great was actually just an empty husk. Beneath it’s grandeur, it was dying from the inside. Hollow, it became too weak to retain its composure. It stood strong for so long, collapsing was imperceivable. Yet, the truth came to pass.
When a tree falls in the forest, and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?
